RIP:  FitBit

I gave up.

My Fitbit band sits on my disheveled desk face down in the havoc that is my basement.  It is there with its plastic arms pointed emptily toward the sky like a dead bug one would find in a room corner.

Rest in peace.

My wrists are now bracelet free.  No more “tap, tap” to check on my status.  No more checking on my iPhone app for my daily step count.  No more waking up by wrist vibration.  (That last one was actually pretty cool.)

And I feel better for it.

I don’t know if FitBit will make it.  A lot of people like it and have fun with it.  But it didn’t work for me.

First, it told me things I already knew.  I would sit and pull up my FitBit data.  “You walked / ran a lot steps today!” it would report.  “Yup, knew that,” I thought.  Another day another check with the app.  “You didn’t do squat today,” it scolded.  “Yup, knew that,” I thought again.

I’m a pretty active guy.  I run, work out, stay pretty active.  I also am a modest work-a-holic.  I travel a lot.  I am forgetful but good with short-term memory.  I typically can recall what I did each day.  That is, I’m quite aware of how active I am.  At least I think I am.  FitBit wasn’t telling me anything that I couldn’t figure out with a few seconds of focused thought.

Second, FitBit didn’t give me any particularly insightful analysis as to why I was sedentary one day and hyper-active another.  Perhaps I was expecting too much.  But it would have been great if there was something there that said, “you know, every time you miss your morning run then you’ve a 50% chance of being a couch potato all day.”  Or something like that.   But again, that would be information that I could figure out without strapping an electrode to my wrist.  Fact is I already know that if I don’t do my morning run there’s a 50/50 chance there won’t be any workout in the afternoon.

Finally, I came to the realization that the wristband was more a lifestyle and fashion statement than health device.  At least for me.  I wore it because I thought it was a cool thing to do.  I guess it is.  But I also found it to be a pain in the ass.

Experts say that wearable technology – particularly wearable fitness technology – is the new, new thing.  I guess so.  They are experts, aren’t they?  But it so far isn’t working for me.  My observation is that these types of things work for those who are either very competitive or very complacent when it comes to fitness.  If you are competitive, you enjoy posting step counts on Facebook pages and challenging those “so you think you’re fit?” friends.  If you are complacent you need something like a string around your finger to get you to remember to do your workout.

I am both but would prefer not to have a machine constantly remind me.

Something is happening to apologies.  I don’t find them as much as I used to.

A report will be late.  Something won’t get done.  Or it will get done incorrectly.  Someone says something harmful.  Or takes an inappropriate action.  And more often than not when I raise this with a person what I’ll get is a blank stare and an “OK.”  Maybe a question to the effect of “So what do you want me to do?”

Nothing wrong with a blank stare.  Nothing wrong with asking what I’d like them to do about it.

But no apology.

Am I asking too much?  I’m not asking anyone to grovel.  No need to tear your clothing and douse yourself in ashes.  Just makes me feel a bit better and give me a sense that you understand that you messed up.  Just so I know that you know.

So why are apologies disappearing?  I’ve got some theories.

First, they increasingly aren’t received well.  Apologies used to be viewed as the path toward forgiveness.  And forgiveness was the path back to wholeness and community.  Today, apologies are viewed less as the first step toward reconciliation and more as weakness.  That is, nowadays people often use someone’s genuine confession as a club to whack them upside the head.

All quite sad, really. I remember a rather infamous event at a business meeting when I apologized to a client for running late on a small and somewhat inconsequential element of a project, promising that we’d do double duty to catch up.  What I saw as a small acknowledgement sparked a client explosion.  He harangued me with a series of screams along the lines of “how can you …?” “how could you …?” “explain to me why …?”  “I demand an answer …!”  If that client was the only measure, I’d likely never apologize again.  The broader point is this: if apologies are disappearing perhaps it is because society isn’t embracing the apology as it ought.

Second, the apologies we do see are pathetic.  What apologies am I talking about?  Lance Armstrong.  Tiger Woods.  Paula Dean.  Anthony Wiener.  Need I say more?  Not exactly role models, eh?  If those were the only examples I had of a person apologizing, then I would never apologize either!

Finally, there may be a link between the decline in apologies and that of religion.  Let me explain.  A generation ago in the United States, religion was mainstream.  And as most of that was Judeo-Christian religion, there was a very common practice that most people learned through their weekly trip to the synagogue or church:  asking for forgiveness.  It was an apology of sorts.  It was a weekly recognition that you messed up.  In the Anglican tradition it was framed as messing up in “thought, word, and deed.”  And you asked God for forgiveness.  Then things are better.  You do that throughout your growing up and it becomes a habit.  A lot of young people today don’t benefit from that practice.

Whatever the reason, I’d ask that we bring back authentic apologies.  Let’s celebrate them, embrace them, reward them.

And if you think I’m way off.  If I have offended you, your faith, or your generation in any way.

I apologize.

I read an article today in the New York Times on the budget standoff.  In justifying their position on insisting to attach conditions to a budget, Rep. Stephen King of Iowa said simply, “Because we’re right.”  His colleague, Steve Pearce of New Mexico went further to say, “At times, you must act on principle and not ask what cost, what are the chances of success.”

That phrase, “act on principle and not ask what cost” struck me.

Consequences exist.  Really.  They do.  I think that is where you have to start.  We all like to ignore them.  We pretend they aren’t there.  We forget about Newtonian physics (the old “equal and opposite” action thing).  We pass over the “reap what you sow” evidence.  But once we step out of our delusions, we look around and see, yes, there are consequences to things.

And consequences have, well, consequences.  Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away, nor does it necessarily make you a better person.  I find any one who would say, “I’m going to do what I think is right and I don’t care who gets hurt in the process” to be a potentially dangerous person.

That is what is so disturbing to me about Mr. Pearce’s comments.  It seems that he recognizes consequences but chooses to ignore them.

Now here’s my rule for ignoring consequences:  it should be for a greater good and the downside risks should only involve the person who chooses to ignore the consequence.  Some examples:

• I’ll protect others even though I may get hurt.
• I’ll provide for others even though it means suffering for me.
• I’ll give to others even though it means I won’t be able to spend for myself.

It is the story of the soldier that lays down his life for his country.  It is the story of the philanthropist that gives his or her money away to help others.  And in the case of my faith, it is a God who sacrifices of himself for those whom He loves.

All good reasons to ignore consequences.

But to ignore consequences just because you are “right”?  Ignore consequences that could harm others and not yourself?  Ignore consequences because there are people encouraging you to do so without regard for others?

This isn’t “right”.  It is even beyond “wrong”.  It is an attitude that leads inevitably to very, very bad things.

Apparently we all are.  Stressed that is.  According to the American Psychological Association and the New York Times, “too much work, too little money and not enough opportunity for growth are stressing us out on the job.”

That would do it for me!

The research documents what we already know (actually, most research says what we already know but simply don’t have hard data to prove) – that everyone, everywhere, for all sorts of reasons are stressed.
There’s the normal stuff.  Like bills.  Those can be very stressful. ABC says medical bills are particularly stressful (this is a story? this is news!).  There are reports that those facing retirement are stressing out.  Specifically “American are stressed over retirement savings.”  Guess why?  They’ve got none!  That certainly stresses me out.  Some reporters are claiming that White House Press Secretary Jay Carney is stressed out.  Again, I don’t see this as particularly surprising.

The sad news is that stress today impacts primarily the young, particularly young women.  This is important to me because all three of my children are young people and two of the three are women.

According to the American Psychological Association, if you’re under 30 you’re likely pretty stressed out.  According to Arianna Huffington you Millenials are “leading the stress parade.”  Not exactly a parade you want to be at the head of.

If you are a working woman below the age of 33 it gets worse.  Young women are the most stressed out group in America.  And why are women so bummed?  According to the study it is due to low wages, long hours and lack of opportunities for advancement.  I don’t know about you, but that would get me stressed.  Sadly, the result could be more women smoking cigarettes.  (Yet another study shows that while men smoke for enjoyment, women smoke to calm their nerves.)

Equality at home doesn’t seem to help.  The latest Pew Survey of American lifestyle says that moms and dads are sharing more duties, have greater “equality” (whatever that is) but guess what, we’re both (mom and dad) more stressed!

There is hope.  Scientists have developed a breathalyzer that will enable you to know when you are stressed.  And they’ve figured out what you should eat if you’re stressed.  It is a combination of fruits, low-fat cheese, almonds and asparagus.  Everything but the asparagus can fit easily in a back pack.  (For the asparagus you may have to make sure there’s a Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s within walking distance.)

So to my children – particularly my girls – I know that we (baby boomers) have left you a pretty screwed up situation.  Its not something we’re proud of.

But try not to stress about it.  Be prudent.  Be optimistic.  Save your money.  Don’t take “no” for an answer.  Know that Mom and Dad love you.  And God has a plan for you.

And whatever you do, don’t think that a cigarette will fix things.

To all those who spend time building empires, creating networks, amassing fortunes, and spending all your waking hours building and creating and plotting and planning and in great part sacrificing your life in the name of power, glory and fame.  I give you Percy Shelly’s epic poem:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings.”
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away”.