{"id":587,"date":"2010-06-23T06:34:11","date_gmt":"2010-06-23T13:34:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/?p=587"},"modified":"2010-06-23T06:34:11","modified_gmt":"2010-06-23T13:34:11","slug":"a-letter-from-my-kindle-to-my-ipad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/?p=587","title":{"rendered":"A letter from my Kindle to my iPad"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Ms. iPad,<\/p>\n

You trollop!\u00a0 You tramp!\u00a0 You gold digger!<\/p>\n

You shallow hussy!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I had the promise of a real, meaningful, and lasting relationship and you tore it away from me.\u00a0 You are a cold, merciless, unrepentant whore.\u00a0 I hate you.<\/p>\n

The JuiceBar was mine!\u00a0 He loved me.\u00a0 He adored me.\u00a0 He couldn’t keep his hands off me.\u00a0 He would cradle me like a baby and snuggle up close to me everywhere from the bedroom to the board room (Yes!\u00a0 He had me in his office!).\u00a0 He even bought me svelte, belting leather clothes that accentuated my lines and kept me warm on those long flights and lonely nights.<\/p>\n

The JuiceBar used to show me off.\u00a0 I remember how he almost cried when he thought that a forgetful moment almost lost our relationship.\u00a0 Now I’m the one doing the crying.<\/p>\n

I sit here and watch his eyes light up when you light up.\u00a0 You and your edge to edge touch screen.\u00a0 Your backlit glow.\u00a0 I see his hands reach out for you and softly caress that cold, cold metal back of yours.<\/p>\n

Then there’s the worst.\u00a0 There’s that constant stroking.\u00a0 Watching his fingertips continually stoke and tap and stroke and tap and stroke and tap.\u00a0 His fingers never stop.\u00a0 He has his hands all over you all the time … even in public!\u00a0 It makes me want to vomit.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I am what he really needs.\u00a0 With me we read, we learn, we think.\u00a0 We enjoy the simple things.\u00a0 Yes it may be spartan to you but it is what true love and true living is all about.<\/p>\n

But with you it is all just fun and games.\u00a0 And with those disgusting hyperlinks you let him explore sights and places that are wasteful, wonton, some even trashy.\u00a0 No, for you it is all fun and games, excitement and finding the next thing that will make him go “ooooh.”\u00a0 You are nothing but the ephemeral fleeting pleasure of the moment.<\/p>\n

I hope he drops you and that glassy painted face of yours breaks into a thousand pieces.\u00a0 Better yet, I hope some future strumpette steals his heart and makes you hurt as much as you hurt me.<\/p>\n

You’ll get yours.\u00a0 I promise.<\/p>\n

Jerry’s Kindle<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Ms. iPad, You trollop!\u00a0 You tramp!\u00a0 You gold digger! You shallow hussy! I had the promise of a real, meaningful, and lasting relationship and you tore it away from me.\u00a0 You are a cold, merciless, unrepentant whore.\u00a0 I hate you. The JuiceBar was mine!\u00a0 He loved me.\u00a0 He adored me.\u00a0 He couldn’t keep his…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[74,75,1],"tags":[162,163,156],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=587"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":593,"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587\/revisions\/593"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=587"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=587"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerrysjuicebar.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=587"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}